“Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.” Psalm 116:7, CSB
Recognizing Brokenness and Choosing Resilience
It was just a broken ice maker. It wasn’t a catastrophic event.
I was safe. I was in a good place. And I was looking forward to spending a few days on vacation. But when the ice maker broke at the beach house we were staying in, I started spiraling. I was having an out-of-proportion reaction to the minor situation in front of me. And when that happens, I know it’s not just about the thing. It’s all the other things attached to this thing.
I can’t fix this thing! And I can’t find a repairman. And even if I do find someone to help me, what if a part has to be ordered? And what if that part is on backorder? Or, worse yet, what if it can’t be fixed? So now here I am with another broken thing, and there’s nothing I can do about it!”
I’m usually very “go with the flow.” But not this day.
Lessons Learned: The Power of Trying
About the third time I said out loud, “I can’t fix this ice maker!” I stopped myself and five words popped into my head . . . But what if I could?
What if I tried to fix it? What’s the worst thing that could happen—it breaks? It was already broken. I rolled my eyes at the absurdity of what I was about to attempt. I googled “how to fix an ice maker.” It was too general of a search with way too many options and way too many written instructions. Then I decided to YouTube my question, and I narrowed my search with the name of the fridge.
I watched the video several times. I opened the freezer where all the mechanics for the ice maker were housed. And, no joke, I did! I fixed that ice maker! You would have thought I just climbed Mount Everest or finished running a marathon based on the way I did a victory dance around that kitchen!
I know this is a whole lot of drama around what should have been just the everyday aggravation of a household appliance not working. But isn’t this where a lot of us fall apart? It’s that last little broken thing, put on top of all the weight of the hurt we’re carrying, that breaks us wide open and leaks out another flood of tears.
It was never really about the ice maker. It was a moment of resilience I could see, touch, and celebrate. This resilience was tangible evidence that I was healing, growing, and moving forward by trying new things.
But most of all, it was a moment when I didn’t succumb to the limitations of living hurt. I’ve written in my journal so many times, “Just because I’ve been hurt doesn’t mean I have to live hurt.” That’s easy to write. Hard to live out.
That day in the kitchen when I rebelled against the brokenness and fixed that ice maker taught me something big. And I knew this rebellious act of resilience was going to be an important part of getting unstuck and moving forward.
Moving From ‘I Can’t’ to ‘I Can’
For me, two words that indicate stuckness are can’t and don’t.
I can’t deal with this. I can’t do this. I can’t trust people. I can’t fix this. I can’t change. I don’t think this is ever going to get better. I don’t want to try. I don’t believe it’s possible. I don’t think God has a good plan for me. I don’t want to hope again.
Now, please lean in close here. If we don’t tend well to this kind of broken processing, our can’ts and don’ts will turn into won’ts.
I won’t do this.
I won’t trust people.
I won’t fix this.
I won’t change.
I won’t try.
I won’t believe.
I won’t trust that God has a good plan.
I won’t hope again.
Building Resilience Through Faith
Healing is layered and can be complicated. It takes time to process and move forward from heartbreak, betrayal and broken trust. Probably more time than any of us will want it to. But by listening for our “I can’ts” and “I don’ts” and making sure they don’t turn into “I won’ts,” we can see significant progress today. Build our resilience muscles today. Prove today that being brave is not always something you feel, it’s something you do. Resist fear and anxiety and come into alignment with truth today, like Psalm 116:7: “Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you” (CSB).
Friend, you don’t have to fix an ice maker, but don’t miss an opportunity to overcome an “I can’t” or “I don’t” today. Maybe try using some new words like… I am willing to try. Maybe I can find someone who can teach me. This is an opportunity for me to be brave. I can do this. Or, like me, But what if I could?
Lysa TerKeurst is president and chief visionary officer of Proverbs 31 Ministries and the author of seven New York Times bestsellers, including Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, and It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way. Her latest book is I Want To Trust You, But I Don’t (October 2024, Thomas Nelson). She enjoys life with her husband Chaz and her kids and grandkids. Connect with her at www.LysaTerKeurst.com or on social media @LysaTerKeurst.
