Wonder Why Preteens Do What They’re Doing?
How Preteen Brain Changes Impact Behavior
We’ve heard about the hormonal rushes and changes taking place inside our children during their preteen years and the havoc that wreaks on them—and us! But it’s not just the hormones that are rapidly changing. Many of the changes that happen during these years are linked to the brain. Researchers are learning that although hormone levels are high at the beginning of puberty, it’s the brain changes that play an even greater role in mood swings.
During the preteen years and throughout adolescence, the brain undergoes significant reorganization and maturation, especially in areas related to social relationships, emotion processing, risk-taking, and experiencing rewards. The limbic system, which processes emotions, causes adolescents to be more emotional and reactive, leading to more pronounced ups and downs. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for reasoning, decision making, and impulse control, continues to mature into the twenties. As the connections between the prefrontal cortex and the limbic system improve, adolescents become better at controlling emotions and making rational decisions. What does this mean? There are a lot of years when our children’s brains are changing. We often wonder why they’re doing what they’re doing, and they might not even know!
While a person’s brain is not fully developed until their twenties, some of the biggest changes are happening during the preteen years. Around age eleven, a child’s brain functions are in hyperdrive as they are developing more complex thinking abilities.
Understanding our children begins with remembering our own journey. And being fully present means learning to see the world through their eyes. It’s remembering that they’re still trying to discover their identity. It’s knowing that most preteens feel awkward and out of place.
How would the way you engage with your preteen change if you assume that their behavior and emotional outbursts were related to brain changes rather than rebellion or hormones?
The brain changes during this time are profound, leading to outsized emotions and intense feelings. Puberty can make preteens more emotionally sensitive than ever before. As a mom, I was prepared for this with my girls, but my boys’ emotional swings during puberty caught me off guard! (I had never been a preteen boy, after all.)
Responding to Preteen Brain Changes with Grace and Wisdom
Preteens experience new emotions and often don’t know how to handle them. Rash behavior, angry outbursts, unexpected crying, and heightened sensitivity to others’ emotions are not uncommon. Your response as a parent matters. Don’t let fear, frustration, or anger lead your reactions, as your child will feel these more acutely during this time.
Engaging with them calmly can lead to more constructive conversations than pushing hard in the heat of the moment.
On the flip side, you may find your preteen becoming more funny, creative, curious, and sweet. You get glimpses of the young adult they’re becoming, even as you see traces of the child they were. It’s a delightful time!
They’re also very sensitive about their mistakes. Many parents have shared how their preteens struggle with guilt. But this is an opportunity to teach them about grace and forgiveness. If they haven’t accepted Christ’s salvation, introduce them to His grace. If they’re already believers, help them understand the depth of His forgiveness. Parenting through the preteen years can be emotionally intense, but as a parent who is intentional in reaching your children’s hearts and pointing them to Jesus, you can offer stability and love. What a wonderful gift that is!
Adapted from Faith That Sticks: 5 Real-Life Ways to Disciple Your Preteen by Tricia Goyer and Leslie Nunnery (© 2025). Published by Moody Publishers. Used by permission.
