When Fear Chokes the Soul
The pressure of reality was closing in from all sides. It was as if the air was being sucked out of the room. As I sat there on the edge of my hotel bed, I felt like I was drowning in a sea of confusion, and the only part of my body left above the surface was the tip of my nose. Without supernatural intervention, I was going under.
The Moment I Decided to Choose Courage
“God, I have done everything I know to do to fix myself, my family, and my marriage,” I remember saying. “And now I have no clue how to even take the next step.”
“Bring your struggles into the light where I can help you heal them,” I sensed God saying. So with shaking hands, I scribbled my current reality onto a sheet of hotel letterhead. It took me a few drafts before I got it right. When I finished, I called to confirm the intended recipients were in their room before I opened my door and headed out.
The hotel hallway felt like a dark tunnel closing in around me, and my footsteps whispered on the carpet as I forced myself to keep walking and not turn around. Fear coursed through me. I had no idea what would happen next, but there was one thing I knew for certain: I could no longer stay where I was.
How could this be happening to me? How would my truth be received?
Increasing doubts about lifting my veil of secrecy raced through my mind with each step. For as long as I could remember, I had been afraid to let anyone see the real me.
Honesty as the Pathway to Freedom
The familiar pretense was like a dysfunctional security blanket I clung to for dear life. The night I mustered up the nerve to expose the truth, I finally said goodbye to that false sense of security—to the fearful isolation that had become my haven.
While your life story may look very different from mine, one thing is for certain: Few of us escape this life without bumps, bruises, wounds, and scars. We all experience some level of pain, heartbreak, and disappointment. Yet when we ignore our need to address our emotional injuries, we allow them to fester and infect every aspect of our lives.
Jesus reminds us in Scripture, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).
As strange as it seems, I didn’t realize I lacked courage until I found it halfway around the world in a hotel room in Israel. On that night, I knew I had to take a risk.
As I walked and prayed, God gave me exactly what I needed in that moment: supernatural courage. I was terrified, but I was resolute. It was now or never. When my pastor’s wife answered my knock, I all but shoved my note into her hands. “I’m desperate and have to tell someone the truth. My marriage is on life support.” The words quickly tumbled out as she stood in the doorway. Janet isn’t only my pastor’s wife; she is a dear friend, the person who had planned a surprise birthday party for me just days before my adult son and I left for Israel. My husband and I had been friends with Johnny and Janet Hunt for over fifteen years, and they were about to learn that the put-together life I portrayed was not what I actually lived.
“Come inside, Ann,” she opened the door wider as I backed up.
“I can’t . . . not now,” I whispered, just as the elevator door opened a few feet from where we were standing and Pastor Johnny walked out. I wasn’t ready for a conversation with either of them. I was barely ready for what had just happened. But it had happened. And although I was shaking, I was still standing. As I looked between Johnny and Janet, I thought, Now what? So I told them I had to go, and quickly rushed back down the hall to my room.
Life here on earth is a journey filled with countless ups and downs. And although our experiences can be adventurous, exciting, and full of blessings, they can also be overshadowed by varying degrees of fears, challenges, and heartbreaks.
The day I pushed past my fears long enough to invite someone else into my struggles was the day I began my journey toward true freedom—not freedom from any person, place, or thing, but from the bondage of my own fear-based choices, from the dark place of isolation where I felt somewhat safe but in reality . . . so alone.
I didn’t know how anyone would ultimately respond to my vulnerability, including my husband (who had remained stateside). But the truth that everything wasn’t perfect in my life was at last coming out, and God was at work in miraculous ways. I took His Word to heart: “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).
Confession Unlocks Healing
Confessing the truth to my pastor and his wife started a chain reaction that led me toward honesty, openness, help, and healing.
Walking Out of Isolation Into Community
That night I took two important steps toward courage. First, I made a commitment to change. Second, I overcame the obstacles of secrecy and isolation.
The Bible says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results” (James 5:16).
Trusting God Even in Vulnerability
It was then I understood a powerful truth: When our actions and behaviors are based on unhealthy, fear-based choices, our relationships will never be healthy—whether it’s how we relate to a spouse, family member, friend, employer, or even the person sitting next to us at church. I desperately wanted a healthy relationship with my husband and family, but that was never going to happen if the part I played wasn’t open and honest.
Adapted from Courage for Life: Discover a Life Full of Confidence, Hope, and Opportunity! by Ann White, releasing in October 2025. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers.
