As parents, we want to build a foundation of faith for our families, but figuring out where to begin can feel overwhelming.
When you sketch out a rule of life, you create scaffolding to give your family stability as you build your life together.
Creating a rule of life for your family is less about developing hard and fast rules and more about taking time to prayerfully, faithfully, and honestly reflect on your family’s beliefs and values so you can examine how your life choices—big and small—reflect what you hold dear.
A rule of life can give you a framework for significant decisions (Should I take this job? Should we move? Are we ready to become foster parents?) to small ones (Should we host our neighbors for a barbecue? How much money should we spend on birthday gifts? Should we sign our child up for soccer?)
Returning to what matters most can lead you to freedom when you’re stuck.
When you need discernment in making choices (both the everyday ones and the monumental ones), this gives you a place to turn to remind you of what’s most important—and why.
It might help to consider your rule of life an always-changing, ever-evolving values statement.
Creating a rule of life is a spiritual practice that goes back thousands of years to Saint Benedict, and it has been a helpful practice for Christians across tradition, denomination, and background ever since.
Simply put, a family rule of life boils down to two questions:
- Who do we want our family to be?
- How do we want to live so we become more who we want to be?
Take time to reflect on your own or with your family to determine what you hold most dear so you can order your days, develop household habits, and intentionally integrate thoughtful rhythms to reflect your values—for whatever season of life your family is in.
A rule of life should be a helpful resource to turn to, not a measuring stick of religious perfection to hold your family up to.
The goal isn’t to whip up a never-ending report but to thoughtfully create a simple, one-page sheet you can place somewhere (I suggest the refrigerator!) to remind your family of what matters, rooting you back into God’s love.
Building a Foundation of Sacred Spirituality with a Family Rule of Life
1. Identify one to three core values you want your family to live more deeply into during this season. What matters most to you? Why?
2. Write simple vows that summarize what the values mean in your family’s real-life context. Make sure to include the reason behind your vows. For example, if your value is listening, you might write: “Because we value listening in our family, we vow to listen to ourselves, one another, God’s Word, and our neighbors with greater curiosity and compassion.”
3. Brainstorm actionable habits that might help you live out your vows. What can you do to embody these values as a way to love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and to love your neighbor as yourself (see Mark 12:30-31)? To build off the example of listening, perhaps your family might invite a neighbor over for pizza once a month.
4. Look at your family calendar. How can you incorporate these habits into your rhythm and routines? How will you incorporate these habits daily? Consider setting aside time annually or at the beginning of each season to revisit and examine your answers to the above questions.
May you grow alongside your family in Christ as you create your own rule for this season.
Kayla Craig is a former journalist who brings deep curiosity and care to her writing. She’s the author of Every Season Sacred and To Light Their Way. With a poetic, prophetic voice, she created the popular Liturgies for Parents Instagram account, which Christianity Today named an “essential parenting resource.” She also hosts the Liturgies for Parents podcast. Kayla’s nuanced and accessible reflections, essays, and prayers are featured in various books, devotionals, and Bible studies. Kayla lives in a 115-year-old former convent in her Iowa hometown, where she hopes to create spaces of welcome alongside her four children, two dogs, and pastor-husband, Jonny.
Adapted from Every Season Sacred. What does it look like to live a flourishing, messy, wonderful life together? With tender curiosity and contemplative wisdom, Every Season Sacred is a weekly invitation to grow spiritually alongside our children. Blending thoughtful musings and practical resources, author Kayla Craig meets parents right where they are, offering:
- honest and hopeful reflections for every season of the parenting journey;
- encouragement to parent with intention and imagination, presence and purpose; and
- open-ended discussion prompts and prayers to explore and practice as a family.
Every Season Sacred is an invitation to ask big questions, embrace faithful rhythms, and experience God’s mysterious, loving presence together.