Azor the father of Zadok, Zadok the father of Akim, Akim the father of Elihud, Elihud the father of Eleazar, Eleazar the father of Matthan, Matthan the father of Jacob, and Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary, and Mary was the mother of Jesus who is called the Messiah.
Matthew 1:14-16
Options. So many options.
We have enough choices to make nowadays that we’ve even labeled the phenomenon of our modern moment. When choice becomes overwhelming, it can be called choice anxiety.
Why Family Forgiveness Matters in Our Family of Origin
But there is one choice that none of us get to make. And that is our family of origin.
For some, our family of origin elicits feelings of immense gratitude or joy. For others, in a world full of divorce, separation, and relational strife, our family of origin has brought more pain and heartache than perhaps any other facet of life.
The First Step Toward Family Forgiveness
You did not choose the mother who gave birth to you. The mother whose struggles you and your siblings may have watched firsthand as young children. The mother who was stronger than you knew.
You did not choose your father. The father who may have spent more time at the office than in the backyard. The father who worked too hard to provide.
Perhaps there were too many milestone moments when Mom or Dad (or both) weren’t there. Or perhaps they did show up for you, imperfect but present.
Maybe you had to grow up far too early. You became the man or woman of the house and had to protect others when you needed protection. You had to provide and put food on the table when that should have been provided for you. Or maybe you were overly protected, unable to learn and grow in the ways that you needed to despite your parents’ best intentions.
Your childhood may have been a dream. If that’s the case, I encourage you to pause and pray a prayer of gratitude! Family who cares for one another well is a blessing. That is—unfortunately—not the norm.
For many of us, the family we didn’t choose is a source of pain, and in some cases, the difficulty is exasperated by the proximity we maintain.
The parents who drink too much host extended holidays.
The sibling who is argumentative still lives nearby.
The aunt who disapproves of your spouse is always at that annual family get-together.
The proximity (or lack thereof) might be a constant reminder of these family dynamics.
Breaking Generational Cycles Through Family Forgiveness
I can’t pretend to know why you were born into the family you were. But there is Someone who does. And he wastes nothing. The invitation before you is to trust in a God who can use all things for good.
Easier said than done? Sure.
But nonetheless necessary.
Why Unresolved Pain Prevents Family Forgiveness
Pain that is not transformed is transferred. Right now, your relationships are being affected. You may not realize it, but you may even be establishing similar relational patterns that will only continue the generational cycle that you are a by-product of.
Choosing Family Forgiveness Through Faith
However, that can change. Today.
But not all at once.
This is a slow process. This may be a prayer you need to return to, day after day, for weeks or months, if not years.
You did not choose the family you were born into. But you can choose to chart a new course, to go a different direction. To recognize what was of value and what you don’t want to repeat.
That way is a difficult route to traverse. But on the other side is the freedom, joy, and contentment that you’ve been longing for.
Prayer as the Path to Family Forgiveness
I’d like to invite you to take action through prayer. I hold firmly to the conviction that prayer changes things. And so, I encourage you to invite Jesus into the dark spaces of your life. To let the Prince of Peace reign where anxiety has ruled. To speak words of life into places of lament.
So, my friend, I encourage you to make the choice.
Choose forgiveness.
Choose redemption.
Choose to love the family you did not choose.
Prayer
Jesus,
I did not choose the family I was born into, but you did.
Why? I hope, in time, you will reveal that to me.
Until then, I’m asking that you heal the past hurts that I cannot understand and give me grace to see the ways that my family did show up for me.
The ways that they let me down, I offer to you.
Thank you that I can learn from my family of origin which choices I do or don’t want to repeat.
To write a new story in my own life, I know that I must make a different choice. For the ways I’ve been burdened or blessed by my family . . .
I choose to believe that you, God, are near.
I choose to believe that you, God, are just.
I choose to believe that you, God, hold truth.
I choose to believe that you, God, can heal.
God, you invite me into your family when I trust in you.
You instruct us to call you “Father.”
I trust there is intentionality behind that vernacular.
You are the perfect parent.
You hold me where I’ve been dropped. You protect me where I’ve been exposed. You fight for me where I’ve been forgotten.
Help me to become more and more like you—full of joy, peace, and love.
If I’m tempted to focus on flaws, help me to pursue reconciliation.
If I’m tempted to repeat generational patterns, help me to pursue healing.
If I’m tempted to put my family on a pedestal, help me to put you first.
Help me to love and forgive the family I did not choose as you love and forgive me.
Amen.
Adapted from The Forgiveness Way: A 40-Day Prayer Devotional on Letting Go and Moving Forward by Micah E. Davis, releasing in December 2025. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries. All rights reserved.A True Friend (654 words)
