Let’s Do Family Together


When I was a kid, diamonds were the furthest things from my mind. But somehow I remember that back then only diamonds of colorless clarity were considered valuable. Yellow diamonds were considered less desirable and sold for much lower prices. Then at some point, for reasons beyond my understanding, these yellowish stones became prized more highly than their clear cousins.

How in the world did that change in value happen? Pretty simple. Someone took a fresh look at these unique gems and saw rare beauty. As more and more people changed their minds, these bits of earth were elevated to a place of high worth.

The same principle of value applies to every person in your family. One ofthe most important decisions I ever made was to look for, and honor, the many wonderful qualities of my wife and our kids. But like the yellow diamond, it took me a while to find this truth and to raise my family’s value to its God-given value. They are all yellow diamonds now!


Honoring Life

Life is all about relationships and everything else is just details. As a marriage and family pastor, I first discovered the concept of honor by observing over 500 Baylor University students. I had the opportunity to teach them on Sundays, and I met with many during the week at the student center.

These young couples could fall deeply in love with great emotional affection for one another, but within a year I’d watch them fall out of love and break up the relationship. I also watched couples in our church who stopped loving each other. Many chose to walk away from what could have been a wonderful lifetime of marriage, parenting, and grand-parenting.

I felt like a scientist, listening and observing. Couples were affectionate towards one another as long as they valued their partner and knew why they highly valued them. But if they stopped valuing, they lost their affection.

So I began to practice with them, sharing how they could write an “honor list.” It wasn’t long before we discovered major improvement in the affection of those couples.

Then I took the concept home and began to watch my affection for my wife grow in amazing ways. The same happened in my wife and three kids! Highly honoring each other became the cornerstone of my teaching, counseling, and writing.

I watched some of those Baylor students fall in love and learn to intentionally value each other. Four decades of marriage later, they’re still affectionate and enjoy a strong relationship. One way of approaching this idea of honor is to simply agree with God, and value what He values. The main reason I’m committed to Norma and our family is because God values them, just as He values every family, in all shapes and sizes.

This is the main reason I wanted to write this book. I highly value, “Yellow Diamond,” my family members. Therefore, I highly love my future generations because I want them to enjoy the same type of love we now have.


Excerpt from Chapter 2 of Let’s Do Family Together by Gary Smalley. Learn more at letsdofamilytogether.com.

Dr. Gary Smalley is a family counselor, speaker, and New York Times bestselling author who has produced sixty books and sixteen best-sellers in a career that spans more than thirty years. A recipient of the Gold Medallion Award for excellence in literature, he and his books have been featured on The Today Show, Oprah, Larry King Live, and many other TV shows, conferences, and events. Smalley is a graduate of the University of California, Biola University, and Bethel Seminary. He and his wife Norma have three children and are the founders of the Smalley Relationship Center.


Copyright © 2015 by Gary Smalley


Published by Salubris Resources

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