To know that envy disrupts the peace, contentment, and joy that God would otherwise grant to our internal life is bad enough, but even worse is the fact that if envy is not detected, dug up, and thrown out it will inevitably inflict some serious relational damage on the people we are walking next to in life.
At times I’ve been tempted, in my vigilance and amid grief over my own bitterness toward others, to just withdraw. I’ve wondered if the Desert Fathers of church history, back in the third and fourth centuries, were onto something. Maybe an emotional retreat for the remainder of my “exile” to a relational desert without all this “Christian communal stuff” is the way to go. I could avoid all the bitterness, frustration, and temptation to envy by being a twenty-first century-monk who keeps everyone at arm’s length.
Nope.
I will go so far as to say that the whole monastic enterprise of the religious hermits took a decent idea too far. I get the value of “retreats” and “alone time.” Jesus did it for hours at a time, and once even for over a month (Mark 1:35–37; Matt. 4:1–2). But the predominant example of Christ, who was in close, intertwined human relationships, as well as the required outworking and significance of all the New Testament “one another” commands, forces me to conclude that physical or relational hermithood is not allowed.
God made us all for relationship—married or single, father of seven or widowed empty-nester. God meant it when He said it’s not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). Adam had God, but he was designed for friendships, partnerships, and comradery. Jesus was God and had a better, more gratifying spiritual relationship with God the Father than we could ever imagine, and yet He lived, traveled, and leaned on a circle of twelve guys and had a network of men and women He was deeply devoted to, as well as a team of seventy that He engaged in ministry with. He didn’t withdraw. He wasn’t distant. He didn’t say that close human relationships aren’t worth the pain, heartache, or temptation.
I wouldn’t want to speculate as to how exactly envy might have been a temptation for Christ (though I can imagine living life with close friends who would never have to suffer the Father’s wrath for sins on the cross would certainly not be easy), but I do know that He is not “unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but [is] one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Heb. 4:15). Jesus was harassed by temptation, but He chose not to isolate. We can’t isolate either.
God knows the hazards and liabilities of getting to know people well. The Lord is not blind to the fact that in truly caring, loving, and praying for others you will be tempted to covet, because you will see the disparity in various categories of life—between their prosperity and your deprivation. He knows you will be tempted to say, “Why should I be praying for another blessing or victory for little Ms. I-Have-Everything-I-Want?” Even so, God expects you to lean into relationships and not shy away from them. God would rather you read a Christian book like this and begin to quell the waves of resentment and discontent in your life, than have you run away from the circle of people in which He has placed you.
Adapted from Envy by Mike Fabarez (© 2023). Published by Moody Publishers. Used by permission.